MAYday mayday.

ive been having lotsa down moments this month. n it's not even half month.
i feel like shouting.
i need to get this depressing sad feeling off my chest.
i need to get it out.
i need to express it.
but i cant.
the prob is.. i cant tell it to my MR-release-tension.
because he's the root of all my depressing feeling. MOst of it la.
yes,we've been having probs. BIG PROBS. dont wana talk bout it.
plus,ismail called me a bitch yesterday.
oh just so you know.according to him i membebel a lot. im just trying to help him for god's sake. especially with his spending. when i say "mael..jgn la shop byk sgt.." he'll look at me straight in the eye n say "you ni byk membebel, mcm mak tiri"
yes. ive been called as his mak tiri. just because of my expression muka yg terlebih. mcm mana la nak buat, dr azali mcm tu. i myself hate it sumtimes. i even got scolded by a patient coz of it. she tot i was immitating her. for god's sake.. why would i??
urgh talking bout that patient.. im having palpitation and hypertension all of a sudden. wanna know why?? READ on.
she couldnt understand english, let alone speak english.
guess how much i struggled to communicate with her. one kannada language book on my left hand, one notepad and a pen in my other hand.n i need to get history taking done as fast as possible, as i need to present the case in an hour's time.n when jih huei, my postingmate,who checked the case file beforehand, reminded me to ask her whether her baby cried after delivery,which in the file stated that her baby didnt(he said all this in bm la)n i was taken aback la to the fact that the baby didnt cry(fyi,ini sgt bahaya), n as i told earlier.. ekspresi muka saya ni kan mmg terlebih2, jd imejin muka saya masa tu. n that was when all of the sudden she said to me,
"why are you immitating me??"
my heart stopped beating. i was extremely shocked.
so were my postingmates who were there.
wait, wait, rewind! didnt she say she could neither understand nor talk in english?
but didnt she just spoken english? english with no grammatical error. none at all! furthermore,she used the immitating word, which is quite a bombastic word, for me at least.
n how cud she accused me of doing such a thing? n for scolding me in front of my friends, and few other patients who were watching. but i just put on a calm face n said sorry, altho i know it's not my fault as i didnt do anything, or said anything to immitate her, or to insult her. i have witnesses if you dont believe me. imagine how frustrated, geram sakit hati malu i was at that time.
argh. so malas to write more bout it. i hate this month.
SO MUCH.
i fainted during class at the paed ward once.
and i had two almost-faint events twice afterwards. :(
n oh. to make things worse, im having prob with my monthly mara cheques.
and so...
i need someone to save me.
something for me to hold on to.
someone to tell me its gonna be alright.
someone to lend me a shoulder to cry on.
someone just to be here by my side for me to let it all out.

*sigh*

ok ok. i shall not dwell on this matter any longer.
ini hanya cobaan!! yes no? YES.
ive written(typed la hehe) my feelings down, n yeay,im feeling a tad bit better now thank god. :D


p/s: and oh oh! ive just finished my 2nd posting yesterday, n today was the first day of my 3rd 3-weeks-posting which is, sadly, in karkala(this place is 45 mins college-bus ride away from our campus,n the journey's tiring!).
but watever it is,
2 postings down,only 4 more to go b4 balik msia yeay!! :)

nighty nights!